U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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