Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
