Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
