I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
