I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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