Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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