My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
