I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
