Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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