Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
