Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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