i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
