i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
