fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
