Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
