Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
