i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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