I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
