Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Where is the hickey?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
