God, you're like boner-b-gone
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize