dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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