if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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