I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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