got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize