He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
