6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
