He kissed a someone with a penis
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
