I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
