Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
