Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
