dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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