Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
