he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
