I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize