There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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