IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
