Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
