You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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