I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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