a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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