Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
