Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
