my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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