Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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