let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
