he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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