he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I deserve this hangover.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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