just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
