i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
