Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
