I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
it's like heaven, but drunker
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
