What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
