whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
