i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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