God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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