at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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