theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
