i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
