what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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