as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
