Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
