Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
